What I Wish I Said

I went to a school reunion a few days ago. Some of you will wonder why there was a reunion from 15 years ago - when I was in 6th and 7th, but it was the "high school" of conservative Mennonite schools - 5th-8th.

I was only there for 2 years but it amazes me it was that short. It seemed so much longer. None of this is for a bragging OR poor me moment but a reflection and encouragement-to those who have been bullied, for those who bullied, for those who didn't fit in, and more importantly, for those who are parents now to think of with their kids.

I was always the different one. The longest time in one school was 2 years. We moved quite a bit. We just moved before I started 1rst so I didn't even get to go to school with "all my friends". 1rst and 2nd, move. 3rd, 4th, half of 5th, move. Home schooled the rest of 5th, then this school, 6th and 7th. Incidentally, I was home schooled 8th - 12th, and based on my first 7 years, I truly didn't care. The first 5 years were much like the last 2 except in the first 5 I had no one I could count on, no true reason to look back.

What I wish I had said is below. Imagine I am speaking to a bunch of now grown up people, many are now parents like myself.


I was always a quick speaker but what many people didn't realize is that the words coming out were from thoughts running with lightening speed through my brain. Regrettably, I wasn't brave enough to speak up when maybe sometimes I should have.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may never hurt me." I have no idea who started this lousy play ground saying but they were crazy. There is absolutely no truth to this. Sticks and stones MAY break a person's bones, but those wounds are seen and those wounds heal. Words carelessly and meanly spoken, not so much. An adult will more likely see those physical injuries but unless a child is a tattle tale (who wants to be known as that?) the adult will never know those wounds deep to the soul - four eyes, heifer, cheddar cheese. Ludicrous and hilarious? Maybe, but not to an 11 - 12 year old who wants to fit in and have friends, but instead is taunted every playground moment. I was the shortest, the new kid, the different kid, the "smart" kid. If it was different, it was me.

You may wonder why I came. Why I bothered to drive 2.5 hours each way with 3 kids to come to this reunion. It is because of the good, the girl friends I made, the good memories with them. The one place I left and didn't mind going back to was this group of friends. The beautiful thing is that these friends who I have seen once in fifteen years are still my friends, they still bring a smile to my face when I think of them, and even more so, now, when I see them today. It amazes me how easily we are able to talk and visit together with all the different paths we have taken.

I find it sad how vividly I can remember those horrible words and taunts, and who said and did those things to me. I have forgiven you but forgiving and forgetting isn't possible. Our brains are not made to forget. This is how we learn. Even funnier is that some of you who treated me the worst have or had no clue who I was. I find it so ironic that I can't forget but yet you don't have any idea the impact you had on my life.

As I look back over yesterday and see my today, I am happy for who I am and have become. Take it or leave it, I am me and for the most part, people get me. If they don't like me then at least no one's time was wasted and no one had to pretend.

I am sad because I have a son who is so much like me. I see the same things happening in his life and honestly? I don't know what to do. I try to think of me as a child and what I would want from an adult in my life but I am blank. I have seen things happen where he has been bullied but either he is oblivious or he is just taking it in and doesn't want to say anything. I don't want my son to go through the silent hell I did but I don't know what to do and I feel so helpless. He is so eager to learn, so quick to learn, so willing to be any one's friend,, and I fear that in his struggle to fit in and have friends he will keep his mouth shut when/if he is bullied, as I have seen already happen. All I want to do is protect him from the heart-ful of hurt I suffered, but I don't know how.

So parents, listen, watch, and teach. You never know if your child will be bullied or be the bully. Maybe, and hopefully, neither, and maybe someday, just like the day those girls rallied around me in a circle on a really tough day, your child will there for the child who is also having a really tough day.