Ok, I am totally not planning this blog to be a review blog BUT I do have to give props on great things. I have probably tried every hair clip imaginable for Rohanna's hair. Her hair is so super fine nothing stays!! It is too short to pull all back in a pony tail but so long it is always in her eyes. My friend Maya has an Etsy shop where she sells hair clips. I didn't buy at first because, well, I didn't feel like wasting more money on things that won't stay in her hair, as much as I wanted to help my friend out.
I finally bought a pair to try and they ROCK!!! She hand makes them for each customer and mine have this rubbery grip on them that makes it STAY!!! I bought black bows with an underlining of red with black polka dots. So cool. I can't wait to try out some of her shaped ones, like ladybugs, snails, and Minnie Mouse.
When I ordered mine she made them the way I specifically requested and I had them within a week of ordering(shipped from CA). Even better was getting something hand made by her for a really great price.
If you don't have little girls, it is a great way to buy "pretty little things" without breaking your budget, for a friend's daughter, Birthday gift, or stocking stuffer.
Check her page out at http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/Mayas-Bowtique/368534249686
Monday, November 1, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Review: Beautiful Creatures
I was chosen to review the CD 'Beautiful Creatures'. This is a CD of kids' music. The main appeal is to a toddler to 1rst or 2nd grader. You aren't going to hear the same old "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" or "Row, Row Your Boat". I mean, how many CD's do you need to buy and be stuck with a million versions of those songs?
Instead, this CD will take you on an adventure with the sounds and flavor of South Africa. The musicians are from Johannesburg, South Africa, and the music is so authentic. It takes me to a place 10 years ago when Davide and I went to South Africa - the music, the voices. It is like being there in person. I can see big smiles on the childrens' faces as I listen to them sing. This CD has songs about African animals and my favorite, an African Lullaby. They also have 6 other CD's,more music about animals, a CD called "Beautiful Me" that deals with emotional things kids go through, a CD of lullabies, a CD about sea animals and conservation, and one about bedtime routines.
I was chosen to review Beautiful Creatures. Here is my review. There is so much more I could say about this CD but really, Do I want to completely spoil the experience for you as you get to explore it yourself?
Check them out on I-Tunes, . And while you may find it entirely too silly, I bet your kids will love it. My five year old who is incredibly picky about his entertainment absolutely loves it.
They are also on Facebook - "Beautiful Creatures". Let them know I sent you.
Instead, this CD will take you on an adventure with the sounds and flavor of South Africa. The musicians are from Johannesburg, South Africa, and the music is so authentic. It takes me to a place 10 years ago when Davide and I went to South Africa - the music, the voices. It is like being there in person. I can see big smiles on the childrens' faces as I listen to them sing. This CD has songs about African animals and my favorite, an African Lullaby. They also have 6 other CD's,more music about animals, a CD called "Beautiful Me" that deals with emotional things kids go through, a CD of lullabies, a CD about sea animals and conservation, and one about bedtime routines.
I was chosen to review Beautiful Creatures. Here is my review. There is so much more I could say about this CD but really, Do I want to completely spoil the experience for you as you get to explore it yourself?
Check them out on I-Tunes, . And while you may find it entirely too silly, I bet your kids will love it. My five year old who is incredibly picky about his entertainment absolutely loves it.
They are also on Facebook - "Beautiful Creatures". Let them know I sent you.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day!
I remember the year I signed a petition that I finally, sadly knew existed, to make October 15th a National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. I remember the year it became official and watching the Senator or Representative who pushed so hard for it speak about why he wanted it passed. I still remember his voice cracking and the tears in his eyes as he spoke of the one they had lost in their family.
It saddens me that every woman doesn't know just how common miscarriage is and how many are afraid to speak of it because of that horrible awkward silence or the stupid "comforting" things people say because they don't think saying "I am sorry" is enough.
It saddens me to know of so many women whose loss is lessened by those around them because they never saw their baby, never held their baby, never watched them grow. I want to scream out that this life they lead is no fair. How dare anyone who has never been there feel less for the loss of the one who never got to feel that baby kick, see their heart beating away, hear "it's a ___", never got to choose a name, never got to hold that tiny warm finger, never heard that cry, never got to see first steps, never got to celebrate a birth, or maybe a first month or birthday.
Then, while she feels this way, wonders what she did wrong. Was it that cup of caffeine? Was it running? Was it that panicked thought of "Am I ready for another"? To feel like her body hated her so much that it rejected the little one she wanted so desperately. To feel that God is punishing her. To wonder if inducing just one day sooner would have made the difference.
Some days it feels like such a silent heart rending. Those around you tend to forget as it fades away or feel like you are "over" it. Maybe they feel like we don't want them to bring it up.
This is why we need Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. You may not understand how this mommy's heart attached all her hopes and dreams and love on her next little one in just a few seconds of that pregnancy test turning pink. You may not understand that the words "this is not a viable pregnancy" can hit and destroy like a hammer, as if you have lost someone you have loved all your life. You may not understand how the beautiful joy and innocence of pregnancy can be forever destroyed.
However, having a day that recognizes your baby's short life, whether it was a 6 week pregnancy, 39 weeks, 42, or just a few short months of life, is the best thing in the world for that empty space in time. Because no matter if the due date or the date of loss, or the birthday is forgotten by everyone else, there is ONE day every year that we are free to remember and honor those that some forget existed without the horrible awkwardness and fear.
It saddens me that every woman doesn't know just how common miscarriage is and how many are afraid to speak of it because of that horrible awkward silence or the stupid "comforting" things people say because they don't think saying "I am sorry" is enough.
It saddens me to know of so many women whose loss is lessened by those around them because they never saw their baby, never held their baby, never watched them grow. I want to scream out that this life they lead is no fair. How dare anyone who has never been there feel less for the loss of the one who never got to feel that baby kick, see their heart beating away, hear "it's a ___", never got to choose a name, never got to hold that tiny warm finger, never heard that cry, never got to see first steps, never got to celebrate a birth, or maybe a first month or birthday.
Then, while she feels this way, wonders what she did wrong. Was it that cup of caffeine? Was it running? Was it that panicked thought of "Am I ready for another"? To feel like her body hated her so much that it rejected the little one she wanted so desperately. To feel that God is punishing her. To wonder if inducing just one day sooner would have made the difference.
Some days it feels like such a silent heart rending. Those around you tend to forget as it fades away or feel like you are "over" it. Maybe they feel like we don't want them to bring it up.
This is why we need Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. You may not understand how this mommy's heart attached all her hopes and dreams and love on her next little one in just a few seconds of that pregnancy test turning pink. You may not understand that the words "this is not a viable pregnancy" can hit and destroy like a hammer, as if you have lost someone you have loved all your life. You may not understand how the beautiful joy and innocence of pregnancy can be forever destroyed.
However, having a day that recognizes your baby's short life, whether it was a 6 week pregnancy, 39 weeks, 42, or just a few short months of life, is the best thing in the world for that empty space in time. Because no matter if the due date or the date of loss, or the birthday is forgotten by everyone else, there is ONE day every year that we are free to remember and honor those that some forget existed without the horrible awkwardness and fear.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Cooking: Dinner and More
This is completely and totally random. I wanted to name my blog ramblings and randomness but they said it was "taken". How dare they!! Anyway, since I am not a fan of strange spellings that are grammatically incorrect to "make it work" I went "boring".
Ok, so, enough. I baked a pumpkin today. It was what they call a cheese pumpkin to be exact. Don't ask me why it is called that. The lady at the fruit farm said it's the kind most supermarkets use. She did warn me that making my own pumpkin puree would be difficult. Apparently she doesn't know I make my own tomato sauce, pasta, bread....you know, regular old Betty Crocker with out the pre-mixed packaging.
It was work but DUH!!! Several hours later I have the equivalent of 7 - 15 oz. cans of pumpkin and 2 cups pumpkin seeds for a fraction of the price I would have paid. Kieran wants pumpkin for dinner so pumpkin he shall get.
We are having Buffalo Salmon, pumpkin, and noodles for dinner. The way I make buffalo salmon is, as usual, not like the recipe, so this is my way.
Buffalo Salmon
1 pound salmon, skin on
1/4 cup hot sauce (today I am using Frank's sweet heat wing sauce)
1/3 cup panko
5 Tablespoons butter
Put oil in a shallow pan in the oven, which is preheating at 425.
Melt the butter and hot sauce together.
Once the oven is heated, pull the pan out and put the salmon on it, skin down.
Cut a few slits in the salon, pour the sauce and butter over it. (they say reserve 1/4 cup for dipping but it is hot enough without that).
Mix the panko with a little oil and spread over top the salmon.
Bake for 20-25 minutes (or until you feel it's done.)
Egg noodles - You know how to boil water and follow the package directions, right? Then add butter, salt and pepper.
Pumpkin
Take cooked pumpkin (recommend not canned puree)
Heat with butter and cinnamon and serve.
Ok, so, enough. I baked a pumpkin today. It was what they call a cheese pumpkin to be exact. Don't ask me why it is called that. The lady at the fruit farm said it's the kind most supermarkets use. She did warn me that making my own pumpkin puree would be difficult. Apparently she doesn't know I make my own tomato sauce, pasta, bread....you know, regular old Betty Crocker with out the pre-mixed packaging.
It was work but DUH!!! Several hours later I have the equivalent of 7 - 15 oz. cans of pumpkin and 2 cups pumpkin seeds for a fraction of the price I would have paid. Kieran wants pumpkin for dinner so pumpkin he shall get.
We are having Buffalo Salmon, pumpkin, and noodles for dinner. The way I make buffalo salmon is, as usual, not like the recipe, so this is my way.
Buffalo Salmon
1 pound salmon, skin on
1/4 cup hot sauce (today I am using Frank's sweet heat wing sauce)
1/3 cup panko
5 Tablespoons butter
Put oil in a shallow pan in the oven, which is preheating at 425.
Melt the butter and hot sauce together.
Once the oven is heated, pull the pan out and put the salmon on it, skin down.
Cut a few slits in the salon, pour the sauce and butter over it. (they say reserve 1/4 cup for dipping but it is hot enough without that).
Mix the panko with a little oil and spread over top the salmon.
Bake for 20-25 minutes (or until you feel it's done.)
Egg noodles - You know how to boil water and follow the package directions, right? Then add butter, salt and pepper.
Pumpkin
Take cooked pumpkin (recommend not canned puree)
Heat with butter and cinnamon and serve.
Monday, August 9, 2010
What I Wish I Said
I went to a school reunion a few days ago. Some of you will wonder why there was a reunion from 15 years ago - when I was in 6th and 7th, but it was the "high school" of conservative Mennonite schools - 5th-8th.
I was only there for 2 years but it amazes me it was that short. It seemed so much longer. None of this is for a bragging OR poor me moment but a reflection and encouragement-to those who have been bullied, for those who bullied, for those who didn't fit in, and more importantly, for those who are parents now to think of with their kids.
I was always the different one. The longest time in one school was 2 years. We moved quite a bit. We just moved before I started 1rst so I didn't even get to go to school with "all my friends". 1rst and 2nd, move. 3rd, 4th, half of 5th, move. Home schooled the rest of 5th, then this school, 6th and 7th. Incidentally, I was home schooled 8th - 12th, and based on my first 7 years, I truly didn't care. The first 5 years were much like the last 2 except in the first 5 I had no one I could count on, no true reason to look back.
What I wish I had said is below. Imagine I am speaking to a bunch of now grown up people, many are now parents like myself.
I was always a quick speaker but what many people didn't realize is that the words coming out were from thoughts running with lightening speed through my brain. Regrettably, I wasn't brave enough to speak up when maybe sometimes I should have.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may never hurt me." I have no idea who started this lousy play ground saying but they were crazy. There is absolutely no truth to this. Sticks and stones MAY break a person's bones, but those wounds are seen and those wounds heal. Words carelessly and meanly spoken, not so much. An adult will more likely see those physical injuries but unless a child is a tattle tale (who wants to be known as that?) the adult will never know those wounds deep to the soul - four eyes, heifer, cheddar cheese. Ludicrous and hilarious? Maybe, but not to an 11 - 12 year old who wants to fit in and have friends, but instead is taunted every playground moment. I was the shortest, the new kid, the different kid, the "smart" kid. If it was different, it was me.
You may wonder why I came. Why I bothered to drive 2.5 hours each way with 3 kids to come to this reunion. It is because of the good, the girl friends I made, the good memories with them. The one place I left and didn't mind going back to was this group of friends. The beautiful thing is that these friends who I have seen once in fifteen years are still my friends, they still bring a smile to my face when I think of them, and even more so, now, when I see them today. It amazes me how easily we are able to talk and visit together with all the different paths we have taken.
I find it sad how vividly I can remember those horrible words and taunts, and who said and did those things to me. I have forgiven you but forgiving and forgetting isn't possible. Our brains are not made to forget. This is how we learn. Even funnier is that some of you who treated me the worst have or had no clue who I was. I find it so ironic that I can't forget but yet you don't have any idea the impact you had on my life.
As I look back over yesterday and see my today, I am happy for who I am and have become. Take it or leave it, I am me and for the most part, people get me. If they don't like me then at least no one's time was wasted and no one had to pretend.
I am sad because I have a son who is so much like me. I see the same things happening in his life and honestly? I don't know what to do. I try to think of me as a child and what I would want from an adult in my life but I am blank. I have seen things happen where he has been bullied but either he is oblivious or he is just taking it in and doesn't want to say anything. I don't want my son to go through the silent hell I did but I don't know what to do and I feel so helpless. He is so eager to learn, so quick to learn, so willing to be any one's friend,, and I fear that in his struggle to fit in and have friends he will keep his mouth shut when/if he is bullied, as I have seen already happen. All I want to do is protect him from the heart-ful of hurt I suffered, but I don't know how.
So parents, listen, watch, and teach. You never know if your child will be bullied or be the bully. Maybe, and hopefully, neither, and maybe someday, just like the day those girls rallied around me in a circle on a really tough day, your child will there for the child who is also having a really tough day.
I was only there for 2 years but it amazes me it was that short. It seemed so much longer. None of this is for a bragging OR poor me moment but a reflection and encouragement-to those who have been bullied, for those who bullied, for those who didn't fit in, and more importantly, for those who are parents now to think of with their kids.
I was always the different one. The longest time in one school was 2 years. We moved quite a bit. We just moved before I started 1rst so I didn't even get to go to school with "all my friends". 1rst and 2nd, move. 3rd, 4th, half of 5th, move. Home schooled the rest of 5th, then this school, 6th and 7th. Incidentally, I was home schooled 8th - 12th, and based on my first 7 years, I truly didn't care. The first 5 years were much like the last 2 except in the first 5 I had no one I could count on, no true reason to look back.
What I wish I had said is below. Imagine I am speaking to a bunch of now grown up people, many are now parents like myself.
I was always a quick speaker but what many people didn't realize is that the words coming out were from thoughts running with lightening speed through my brain. Regrettably, I wasn't brave enough to speak up when maybe sometimes I should have.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may never hurt me." I have no idea who started this lousy play ground saying but they were crazy. There is absolutely no truth to this. Sticks and stones MAY break a person's bones, but those wounds are seen and those wounds heal. Words carelessly and meanly spoken, not so much. An adult will more likely see those physical injuries but unless a child is a tattle tale (who wants to be known as that?) the adult will never know those wounds deep to the soul - four eyes, heifer, cheddar cheese. Ludicrous and hilarious? Maybe, but not to an 11 - 12 year old who wants to fit in and have friends, but instead is taunted every playground moment. I was the shortest, the new kid, the different kid, the "smart" kid. If it was different, it was me.
You may wonder why I came. Why I bothered to drive 2.5 hours each way with 3 kids to come to this reunion. It is because of the good, the girl friends I made, the good memories with them. The one place I left and didn't mind going back to was this group of friends. The beautiful thing is that these friends who I have seen once in fifteen years are still my friends, they still bring a smile to my face when I think of them, and even more so, now, when I see them today. It amazes me how easily we are able to talk and visit together with all the different paths we have taken.
I find it sad how vividly I can remember those horrible words and taunts, and who said and did those things to me. I have forgiven you but forgiving and forgetting isn't possible. Our brains are not made to forget. This is how we learn. Even funnier is that some of you who treated me the worst have or had no clue who I was. I find it so ironic that I can't forget but yet you don't have any idea the impact you had on my life.
As I look back over yesterday and see my today, I am happy for who I am and have become. Take it or leave it, I am me and for the most part, people get me. If they don't like me then at least no one's time was wasted and no one had to pretend.
I am sad because I have a son who is so much like me. I see the same things happening in his life and honestly? I don't know what to do. I try to think of me as a child and what I would want from an adult in my life but I am blank. I have seen things happen where he has been bullied but either he is oblivious or he is just taking it in and doesn't want to say anything. I don't want my son to go through the silent hell I did but I don't know what to do and I feel so helpless. He is so eager to learn, so quick to learn, so willing to be any one's friend,, and I fear that in his struggle to fit in and have friends he will keep his mouth shut when/if he is bullied, as I have seen already happen. All I want to do is protect him from the heart-ful of hurt I suffered, but I don't know how.
So parents, listen, watch, and teach. You never know if your child will be bullied or be the bully. Maybe, and hopefully, neither, and maybe someday, just like the day those girls rallied around me in a circle on a really tough day, your child will there for the child who is also having a really tough day.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
9 years of no "Wedded Bliss"
As I was thinking about our anniversary I thought of the quote some people use about whatever year it is of marriage - "__ years of wedded bliss." When I look back over our marriage I sure wouldn't call it 9 years of wedded bliss. Neither, I believe, would my husband.
I don't think marriage should be wedded bliss. I mean, if you think of it, how fairy tale does that sound? And blah! Wedded bliss brings to mind everything being perfect, just floating on through life together, no arguments, no clouds. How realistic is that? I think that if you have had years of wedded bliss, someone isn't voicing their opinion enough, someone is being a doormat, and someone really, deep down, isn't truly happy.
I can look back over good times and hard times. I can remember some knockdown drawn out fights that, while I don't look back at them with pride, I do see how that shaped us and made us better. Better able to voice our opinion rationally because we never wanted to do that again, able to speak up sooner rather than steaming silently about it. I definitely wouldn't characterize that as wedded bliss. Losing our baby was another one. College, In-laws, family, losing our baby, moving, work, finances. These stresses all put hardship on a marriage, causing silence and fighting. Emotions go crazy, and sometimes in the wrong directions. By no means, wedded bliss.
However, through it all, the good times far out-weigh the bad. College graduation together, painting our first apartment, celebrating our children's births, seeing new places together, growing together, promotions, and simply waking up next to each other every day.
While I would never say I have wedded bliss, nor that I wish to, I AM very happy to say that I don't regret getting married at 19, I don't regret having children when we did, I don't regret where we have been or where we are going. I am happy for the good and the bad, and I am happy to say Happy Anniversary Davide. Thank you for being my husband, for loving me through everything, for being my lover, my best friend, my children's father. I love you.
And for the person who had suggested that I "date other people to make sure he was the one", I am glad I didn't waste the time when my soul mate was standing right in front of me.
I don't think marriage should be wedded bliss. I mean, if you think of it, how fairy tale does that sound? And blah! Wedded bliss brings to mind everything being perfect, just floating on through life together, no arguments, no clouds. How realistic is that? I think that if you have had years of wedded bliss, someone isn't voicing their opinion enough, someone is being a doormat, and someone really, deep down, isn't truly happy.
I can look back over good times and hard times. I can remember some knockdown drawn out fights that, while I don't look back at them with pride, I do see how that shaped us and made us better. Better able to voice our opinion rationally because we never wanted to do that again, able to speak up sooner rather than steaming silently about it. I definitely wouldn't characterize that as wedded bliss. Losing our baby was another one. College, In-laws, family, losing our baby, moving, work, finances. These stresses all put hardship on a marriage, causing silence and fighting. Emotions go crazy, and sometimes in the wrong directions. By no means, wedded bliss.
However, through it all, the good times far out-weigh the bad. College graduation together, painting our first apartment, celebrating our children's births, seeing new places together, growing together, promotions, and simply waking up next to each other every day.
While I would never say I have wedded bliss, nor that I wish to, I AM very happy to say that I don't regret getting married at 19, I don't regret having children when we did, I don't regret where we have been or where we are going. I am happy for the good and the bad, and I am happy to say Happy Anniversary Davide. Thank you for being my husband, for loving me through everything, for being my lover, my best friend, my children's father. I love you.
And for the person who had suggested that I "date other people to make sure he was the one", I am glad I didn't waste the time when my soul mate was standing right in front of me.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Thunderclouds and Rainbows
They say behind every cloud there is the sun or a rainbow, or something like that. Well, I have a thundercloud, and behind it is one of the most beautiful rainbows. Some of you know my cloud, some may not, but July 13, 2006, it was final. The surprise pregnancy we were so excited about was officially over 9.5 weeks after it began. It is a story over 1/4 the women in the world share with me - some in silent pain and others boldly wear it.
I chose to wear it - not boldly, but out loud. There are so many women hurting from the loss of a baby, whether from pregnancy, stillborn, or an infant, and somehow, many feel so trivialized. It isn't like we even knew these little ones, heard these little ones, some have never held them, and some have held them for a few short days or months. We don't have years of memories to hurt from. Years of beautiful memories. And that, is sometimes why we hurt so much. The dreams have no fulfillment. The arms ache from that body they never held, and ears search for that sound they will never hear. There will be no first step, first word, first day of school, no teenager, no wedding, no "only grand-babies this child could have".
Instead, each year passes silently by, often too silently for those who are recognized by no one. Mothers cry in a room alone, wishing that their baby got told Happy Birthday or remembered in some little way.
This is my cloud, and behind it, the most beautiful rainbow.
My rainbow starts when I met Lynsey and Cori on Baby Zone. Both had just delivered their precious sleeping babies. They have both become life friends, I believe, as we walked through loss, remembering, starting over, and now, all 3 of us have 2.5 year old children. Because of starting this journey at Baby Zone there are other women I met - at least 10 that I consider my friends-a few are Alisa, Cathy, Tracey, Mary, Sara, Kim, Sarah - and countless others who are in my life in some way or another. We all come from different walks, some have lost and others not, but they are part of that beautiful rainbow. The rainbow gets bigger when I think of my thread of friends on Baby Center. I went there for one thing, these friends, my sisters - Becky, Shannon, Tricia, Janet, Alisha, Brandi and Kari.
When I was laying in Room #14, in our local emergency room, I remember vividly a conversation I had with God. I know, some of you think I am crazy. I still get "wow" remembering it. "I looked at the ceiling, not expecting an answer, and said, "God, I trust you that my baby will be ok." He replied, "That isn't trust. Trust is believing that everything will be OK no matter what happens." I remember hesitating and thinking that if I actually said I trusted Him no matter what, I would be admitting it was possible that I was losing my baby. Finally, I said, "God, I trust You no matter what." His reply was, "Everything will be ok."
I remembered those words as the Dr. told me "this is not a viable pregnancy." Those words are horrible words. Ones that shouldn't exist. They are so cold and harsh.I was numb, I was devastated, but I still had this peace through it all, knowing that it would be ok.
My days still have some clouds but I am alright, and it makes me smile to know that, even with this cloud, there is a beautiful rainbow on the other side of it. I love you all so much. Each of you have touched my heart in your own special way.
This time, and this day is for Angel Hope, my forever baby. You are the reason we have Rohanna Elizabeth, and the reason for her name Rohanna (To know wisdom) and Elizabeth (God's promise). The amazing thing is, we had always planned to use Elizabeth for a middle name(I had anyway) never knowing its meaning. Rohanna however, was specially pulled together from the Hebrew language for our daughter.
I chose to wear it - not boldly, but out loud. There are so many women hurting from the loss of a baby, whether from pregnancy, stillborn, or an infant, and somehow, many feel so trivialized. It isn't like we even knew these little ones, heard these little ones, some have never held them, and some have held them for a few short days or months. We don't have years of memories to hurt from. Years of beautiful memories. And that, is sometimes why we hurt so much. The dreams have no fulfillment. The arms ache from that body they never held, and ears search for that sound they will never hear. There will be no first step, first word, first day of school, no teenager, no wedding, no "only grand-babies this child could have".
Instead, each year passes silently by, often too silently for those who are recognized by no one. Mothers cry in a room alone, wishing that their baby got told Happy Birthday or remembered in some little way.
This is my cloud, and behind it, the most beautiful rainbow.
My rainbow starts when I met Lynsey and Cori on Baby Zone. Both had just delivered their precious sleeping babies. They have both become life friends, I believe, as we walked through loss, remembering, starting over, and now, all 3 of us have 2.5 year old children. Because of starting this journey at Baby Zone there are other women I met - at least 10 that I consider my friends-a few are Alisa, Cathy, Tracey, Mary, Sara, Kim, Sarah - and countless others who are in my life in some way or another. We all come from different walks, some have lost and others not, but they are part of that beautiful rainbow. The rainbow gets bigger when I think of my thread of friends on Baby Center. I went there for one thing, these friends, my sisters - Becky, Shannon, Tricia, Janet, Alisha, Brandi and Kari.
When I was laying in Room #14, in our local emergency room, I remember vividly a conversation I had with God. I know, some of you think I am crazy. I still get "wow" remembering it. "I looked at the ceiling, not expecting an answer, and said, "God, I trust you that my baby will be ok." He replied, "That isn't trust. Trust is believing that everything will be OK no matter what happens." I remember hesitating and thinking that if I actually said I trusted Him no matter what, I would be admitting it was possible that I was losing my baby. Finally, I said, "God, I trust You no matter what." His reply was, "Everything will be ok."
I remembered those words as the Dr. told me "this is not a viable pregnancy." Those words are horrible words. Ones that shouldn't exist. They are so cold and harsh.I was numb, I was devastated, but I still had this peace through it all, knowing that it would be ok.
My days still have some clouds but I am alright, and it makes me smile to know that, even with this cloud, there is a beautiful rainbow on the other side of it. I love you all so much. Each of you have touched my heart in your own special way.
This time, and this day is for Angel Hope, my forever baby. You are the reason we have Rohanna Elizabeth, and the reason for her name Rohanna (To know wisdom) and Elizabeth (God's promise). The amazing thing is, we had always planned to use Elizabeth for a middle name(I had anyway) never knowing its meaning. Rohanna however, was specially pulled together from the Hebrew language for our daughter.
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